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My conversation with David Brooks highlighted, among many other things, the place of desire and longing in our spiritual lives. 

To some devout Christians, this may seem odd, as many of us still equate desire with superficial wants (for example, “I want a new car” or “I want more money”) and longing purely with romantic desires (nothing wrong with that, of course, within reason). Consequently, desire and longing can seem selfish, superficial or even immoral. 

But desire and longing are some of the main ways that God draws us closer. “Our hearts are restless until they rest in you, O Lord,” as St. Augustine wrote. How else would God draw us closer than by awakening in us the very desire for the divine? 

One way to help a person begin their spiritual journey is by inviting them to see that this desire, which they may have felt was simply coming from within them—a curiosity, a fascination or an obsession with God or with Jesus—is in fact God drawing them closer. It’s often a comfort for people to know that it is not just happening “inside me” but rather is coming “from the outside.” It reminds them that it is, in fact, a call. And that can help people feel less lonely and more receptive to God’s activity within them.

This is one reason why Jesuits are often focused on helping people on retreats or in spiritual direction to understand their personal desires. It’s not only a way of unlocking what motivates them, but also, as we dig deeper, a method of understanding what our deepest desire is: God.

Likewise, St. Ignatius Loyola, in his Spiritual Exercises, asks retreatants to pray for what they desire in the various stages (or “weeks”) of the Exercises. In the first week, one prays for the gift to know oneself as a “loved sinner”; in the second, one prays for the desire to be closer to Jesus in his public ministry; in the third, one prays for the desire to suffer as Jesus did on the Cross (or at least to understand that suffering); and in the fourth week, we pray for the desire to rejoice intensely over the Resurrection.

Desire, in some ways, is at the beginning of the spiritual life. Without it, we wouldn’t even want a relationship with God. The key is, as St. Ignatius would say, to “order” those desires so that they are directed for God’s greater glory—not ours.