02 May 2019, The Tablet
When fathers become dads
What if she was pregnant? The
priest, the love interest in the comedy drama Fleabag which held the
nation in its emotional grip last month, and the eponymous heroine have a
brief affair. But he decides, in the final scene, that he belongs after
all to God, not to her. She walks away, her heart broken. The script by
the actor/writer Phoebe Waller-Bridge does not take it any further. But
the Vatican has coincidentally provided material for a sequel, in a
document whose existence has recently been disclosed. It advises bishops
what to do when a priest becomes a father in the other sense of the
word.
Entirely laudably, the advice centres on the rights and interests of the child, and by extension, of the mother. The child is entitled to a proper family life, with, ideally, two married parents, an outcome only possible under existing canon law if the priest gives up his ministry and is laicised. But that assumes that the vocation of priesthood and the vocation of marriage and fatherhood are irreconcilable – but perhaps ought not to be. The man-made law of celibacy would – in the case where the couple decide to marry and bring up the child together – deprive the community of its priest and the priest of his calling. To support a family he must seek work, for which he may have little or no training.
Some would argue that a priest who falls in love and has a sexual relationship is unfit for the office. That would be too harsh. Men and women sometimes fall in love. The Church condemns sins of the flesh before they happen; it is surprisingly forgiving when they do. For men, anyway. If the couple decides not to marry, the adoption of the child is an option, as is abortion, though obviously not one the Vatican envisages. The mother may favour neither course. If she chooses to raise the child as a single parent she deserves all the acceptance and support the community can give her. But will it? Should the father, if still a priest, be encouraged to stay in touch? The document apparently allows for that possibility.
Priests with close female friends with whom they are romantically involved are not so rare, human nature being what it is. But women who fall in love with a priest and who are later abandoned by him – perhaps because that is what Church authorities have insisted on – are sadly not so rare either. In such cases, the priest has the Church’s continued support; the woman may feel cheated and, above all, she may be left to raise a child alone. The document should be published so that it is clear what guidelines bishops are given to deal with these complex human issues. The care of everyone involved, in particular the child and the mother, are the responsibility of the whole community, not just of the bishops.
Entirely laudably, the advice centres on the rights and interests of the child, and by extension, of the mother. The child is entitled to a proper family life, with, ideally, two married parents, an outcome only possible under existing canon law if the priest gives up his ministry and is laicised. But that assumes that the vocation of priesthood and the vocation of marriage and fatherhood are irreconcilable – but perhaps ought not to be. The man-made law of celibacy would – in the case where the couple decide to marry and bring up the child together – deprive the community of its priest and the priest of his calling. To support a family he must seek work, for which he may have little or no training.
Some would argue that a priest who falls in love and has a sexual relationship is unfit for the office. That would be too harsh. Men and women sometimes fall in love. The Church condemns sins of the flesh before they happen; it is surprisingly forgiving when they do. For men, anyway. If the couple decides not to marry, the adoption of the child is an option, as is abortion, though obviously not one the Vatican envisages. The mother may favour neither course. If she chooses to raise the child as a single parent she deserves all the acceptance and support the community can give her. But will it? Should the father, if still a priest, be encouraged to stay in touch? The document apparently allows for that possibility.
Priests with close female friends with whom they are romantically involved are not so rare, human nature being what it is. But women who fall in love with a priest and who are later abandoned by him – perhaps because that is what Church authorities have insisted on – are sadly not so rare either. In such cases, the priest has the Church’s continued support; the woman may feel cheated and, above all, she may be left to raise a child alone. The document should be published so that it is clear what guidelines bishops are given to deal with these complex human issues. The care of everyone involved, in particular the child and the mother, are the responsibility of the whole community, not just of the bishops.
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